Correct and proper English
Do you make embarrassing mistakes?
Trying to write properly is a minefield. If you accidentally break a rule – split an infinitive, start a sentence with a conjunction, end a sentence with a preposition – the consequences will be catastrophic. Your memoir, political manifesto, or short story will be mocked and derided, and you will be a figure of fun and opprobrium to all and sundry. No wonder you are anxious and confused.
Grammar is important
Just kidding about those 'rules'. They were invented out of thin air by malcontents and oddballs in order to boss people around and feel important. Reputable grammarians consider them to be complete and utter bollix. These alleged edicts of English are routinely ignored by eminent scholars, celebrated authors, and well-respected plumbers, not just in YouTube comments but also in formal correspondence such as letters to royal personages.
Elegant editing
The secret of good writing is setting the proper tone. If you want to hit a note of sombre formality, give us a call -- we do dignity, gravitas, and decorum like nobody's business. If, however, you're aiming for a casual and relaxed tone in your funeral oration or explanatory letter to the tax office, we will ensure your text is apoppin' with appropriate good vibes.
Use the right word
Did you know that sombre and sombrero are more or less the same thing except that one is an adjective and the other is a hat? This is because they both come from Latin sub umbra – under a shadow.
Figure 1 Culturally appropriated hat
If you don't have a sombrero, you can also carry shade around with you by means of an umbrella. But if you throw that shade about, people may take umbrage. This freakish collection of cousins are the result of Spanish, Italian, and French people being vulgar with their language.
It was called Vulgar Latin because it was the language of plebs and provincials. No disrespect intended. Some of my best friends are vulgar provincial plebs.
Vulgarity turns into Romance somewhere around about the 700s.
No offense intended to you either, speakers of Romance tongues. By Romance, I don’t mean to perpetuate any deeply problematic (though perhaps superficially flattering) ethnolinguistic stereotypes. They are called Romance languages not because they are suited to declarations of love, hot-blooded acts of passion, or invitations to hanky-panky, but because they evolved out of the language of the Romans.
You’d think, if we must have separate names for the people and the language, that we’d stick to the system, but this is not the case.
Cynical! Opportunistic!
Contact us for all your editing needs. We can take the Oxford commas out if you like or bung them in. We are cynical mercenaries in the comma wars with no loyalty to either side. We can do slavish adherence to any style guide or blindly obey the edicts of any dictionary you care to mention, if that floats your boat. Or maybe you want to fly your freak flag high and invent your own orthography. We shall not harsh your mellow.